SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM....SPAM!

Okay, so I love Bell of lost Souls, I really do.
They have a good healthy attitude of 'whole hobby' play.
But when a desperate need to defend their event overflows into an attack on a style of play, while lauding their own AFTER attacking other's for attacking theirs...(yes, quite a circle there, hurts my wee little brain too)...well, blech.

read their article here
SPAM, why it's not just a monty python bit anymore... (okay, so my title is more interesting than theirs)

and you might understand my take a little better.

First, Spam as a definition...
BigRed, you're not wholly correct.
Spam in the 'good' player's lexicon is redundancy for assurance. If two melta-units are good, 3-4 are better. NOT all units. NOT units to exclusivity.
I don't know a GOOD player out there who says you should only play with ONE unit in your army repeated over and over.

By intimating that spam is wholly negative, and a crutch for the weak minded, you neglect to recognize the inherint skill in both identifying the units that should be spammed, the units that need to support it, and where the DRT (diminishing return threshold) is reached.

By stating it's a crutch only for noobs, you denigrate the players who hone their list over time to the point where they know PRECISELY where the DRT is reached, or over-reached, and tune in supporting elements/excess from their. Or the shifts in play environments/new codices to identify when that particular SPAM element is no longer as viable/becomes stronger.

By creating an overall sense that 'generalists' are superior to 'spammers' you are generating a hostile environment to a play style in favor of your own pre-conceived notion of what is fair/creative. This seems to be counter to the 'flavor' from this site that I have gotten over time. Maybe I was wrong?
A generalist may have a desire to maintain his 'hobby' (a desire to field models he loves/prioritize looks over efficiency), a different play environment at his 'home' store that makes his particular build effective there or simply a different view on what is or is not spam.
By the more general definition of SPAM(larger numbers of superior units vs ALL of them), wouldn't your Overall Winner of BoLScon be considered a 'gaunt spammer?
He had arseloads of them right? He also went for 'fex/'rant/zoie redundancy (from a points perspective it looked like tyrant spam).

Also, when a 'spammer' wins an overall event, does this mean he was a mediocre player with a good list? What about said spammer running up against the rock to his scissors and still winning?
By your description of a generalist approach, a spammer that makes it through an entire tourney massacre after massacre shows a better acumen. Why, because he would have HAD to have had at least one unfavorable matchup if the environment was actually mixed. If not, then he would have had to have played (after round 1) a string of players with his own level of skill and army/rules understanding.
But reality is, spam laid down by a good player/general/list builder is not pure spam. The player recognizes weaknesses, strengths, and the most efficacious ways to fill those gaps.
Also, a 'spammer' has redundancy/duality in all his unit roles. A melta-spam guard army should have flamer support/flamer anti-horde transports. A THSS spam army should have vulkan support, and Hvy Flamer/Melta speeders for anti everything work in addition to av-14 transports.
A fire dragon/falcon/serpent/DA spam army has everything covered just with that little bit there, and mobile tarpits/anti horde with Destructor 'locks.

SPAM is a four letter word, but not a bad one.
All armies, generalists to spam (to everything in between) have elements that people take in excess regardless of common sense. They also all have 'bad' players that think their way is the right way till the get their arses handed to them...I have had 'fluffybunnies' tell me that the only way to play is without named characters, or anything resembling a net list. Guess what, I have been playing for so long that every one of my armies has gone from great, to mediocre, to shite and back again...It just so happens my love for rhinos and dreads has turned my 'meh' 3.5/4e army into spam...my mech guard into chimera/melta spam and my 'Zilla into strangler spam. But my 'generalist' solid 3.5/4e Eldar army, Necron army, Ork army has fallen by the wayside...and I don't care. They'll get played and tweaked for a while till the next edition, when they can become the new 'spam'(whatever it'll be called then for vilification) and I can actually say.."I played these when they SUCKED!"

:)

Why did he choose Palin?

He could'a been a contender!

I lauded a dem for telling a woman talking to her would be like 'talking to a couch'....
so I have to give McCain credit where credit's due.

He stood his ground, talked to the people even when they were railing (had the woman that wouldn't let him get a word in edge-wise escorted out...but at least the bat-shit crazy republican woman in the other town hall meeting let a dem talk).

And he even pulled a 'let me put on a surprise face' moment, pointing out that someone was being insipidly obvious, referring to his support from some health care providers.

This man has class...he is NOT a waste of skin, or politician. Too bad he bowed to his party and stepped up with the bitch Palin....
too damned bad. :(

(have I mentioned, regardless of policy issue disagreements, I like McCain...I really think he's one of the few out there that cared about doing the best thing for his country. Our opinion on what that was just didn't jive)

Speaking of Death Panels and all things fun....

Betsy McCaughey and YOU!

(please look at this link soon, it's Hulu so it'll be gone shortly)

You know, if anything convinced me that I love this man...
and that the right wing agenda is to skew information solely to undermine a sitting president WITHOUT cause, this would be it...
well, okay...they didn't need help with that!

But the woman who started the ball rolling, whether she used the phrase or not, really buys into her own propaganda. Watch the whole interview, she doesn't even hear the words coming out of her own mouth.
Or she speaks a different language than I do.

I know this is a little late, but without cable I get these episodes on Hulu. So if you saw it, sorry...re-watch it for the entertainment. If you didn't, you need to for even further in depth exposure of idiocy.

And jabeebus, but don't get John Stewart on a roll...he's gooooood!

Make Death Advertise for YOU!

I don't know what the hell I was thinking watching this television channel for the late news, but DAMN...
ABC 22 News SUCKS.
They showed more shots of this craft store's owner, interior of the store, and frankly I learned more about this woman's involvement with this store and a California company she made displays for, than I did about the poor woman herself.

I saw a pic of her daughter, learned she was a runner and was 40, and that she was recently a grandmother.
I then saw the silver SUV that ran her down, and a picture of her in a runners line.

Then I learned about the craft shop,what she bought and what the shop's interior looked like. I got to see what she bought for halloween,what the displays she made for the window looked like. They showed the blog she wrote about with the crafting she did (apparently, according to this story, she was so busy crafting here and running there that her daughter must have raised herself)...oh, and only a quick blurb about 'gushing' over her husband on the blog (note, this is the ONLY mention of her husband)....fuuuuuuck...just plain fuuuuuuck...
and the woman at the craft shop shamelessly, and with little remorse in her eyes, seemed to plug her shop and the dead woman's involvement in her place as a quick blip-vert...just ouch. I will not shop a SINGLE craft store in beavercreek on the off chance this bitch might get some of my money.
This was NOT a story about the woman who was run down, this was an insensitive attempt to fill time that resulted in the cold-hearted delivery of a bad ad in the guise of a barely tolerable eulogy.

And thus my email to the channel...


"I was just subjected to a rather disturbing story for the 11pm news (Aug 24th 2009).
I am trying to sort out why the handling of a woman's unfortunate and early demise was reminiscent of an advertisement?
If you review your story relating to the beavercreek jogger's death, you might realize that it appeared to be more an interest story in a craft hobby shop.
The proprietor discusses 'halloween scrapbook' purchases in the piece, and the fact she's known the woman for less than a year (or so it was intimated).
Instead of coming off as short and ill-researched with desperate filler to seem topical, maybe a more accurate, if terse, story with a more in depth follow up tomorrow would have been more appropriate.
Think of the cold and calculated feel a story like this may have on your audience?

Between this, and poor editing involving regular interruptions leading up to it with bad blip-verts for your own news (overlapping on at least two commercials for movies I was curious about) I am beginning to think the limited time I spend in front of the Television may better be served with a different station.

Please evaluate how you deliver your stories a little less cursorily in the future...it may serve to fool the public into thinking you are more concerned about the story than the commercials."

STFU

Narrator: When people think you're dying, they really, really listen to you, instead of just...
Marla Singer: - instead of just waiting for their turn to speak?(IMDB database, quote "Fight Club")

You know, I roll the little quotes over in my head...This movie I FINALLY got to see...
And this one sums it up.

Wait for a second. Think about it. Really think...do you listen? Do you?

Take a minute, next time you're in a conversation, and think about it. Were you really listening?

Don't answer now. If you did already, you were skimming waiting for your chance to 'answer' and you are part of the fucking problem.

I think we may have a winner here...
most of us are just waiting...

History Lessons Needed for the common people!

Nazi Party WTF?
(link)

This is an Op-Ed in the Dayton Daily News(from Leonard Pitts Jr.) today. It reflects something I was thinking...and is more eloquently written, frankly, than I could have after running it through my Rage-Filter when I saw a few things about Obama and Nazi Party/Hitler comparisons.

It makes me, well hurt...
Obama was not MY candidate, but neither was McCain... As much vitriol as I have within me toward Palin, I would never (outside of true jest) say this about even her (and wouldn't believe it either).

Do people not understand that they are comparing this man, this man who ran for an office that could get him killed for his ideals and beliefs that we (his countrymen-women) are worth that risk...to improve our condition in the way he sees fit...cannot possibly be compared to one of the most evil men in human history?

The Nazis, Hitler etc...these people made Vlad the Impaler seem like a good neighbor...Pol Pot(sp?) aspired to these levels of hatred...his mass killings were as much from disdain and apathy as active pure hatred for a population (and let's not forget, it's not just the Jews here...it's everyone that didn't fit).

It's scary...I love my country, I don't want to move. I also am afraid of what we're becoming.
Over health care, there have been more comparisons of Nazis/Hitler to our current president than there was for our last over a WAR and TORTURE.

That hurts...that actually burns the rage out and replaces it with pain. Pain that my own country cannot recognize that a MAN who would have been put into gas chambers as well (if he lived that long) is just trying to do right by us in his own way...Not wipe out entire demographics for his own demogaguery.

also,

CBS Video (watch this)

Home

You can't go home?
I think someone lied.
Comfort feeling, warm friendship..
change without change, human and good...
Tingle of liquor, smile of companionship,
giggle of children,
Dog breath and rain...
memories not belied by time,
but grown into someone new,
with new mates and new skins,
but same old smiles...
it's good to find old friends... and make new!

Head

My head hurts....
that's about all I have these last two days.
Front(s) shifting around and no carbs for two days...

I think I am just going to be grumpy. :(

So, no words of wisdo...okay, maniacal ramblings, for a day or so.

And I had stuff to actually bitch about.

Somebody remind me about guns, the pres and stupidity...and why the three should not be in close proximity...please?

Space Hulk and Contentment

Nothing pissed me off this weekend...
I am happy.
This means, no ranting today!

:)

On the order of GORGEOUSITY, Space Hulk has been revealed...
Must Have!

It is beauty! :) (I'm such a geek)

And We Wonder...

(Palin, Lies and Right Wing Idiocy)

And we wonder why no one with an ounce of decency really trusts the extreme right?

Now don't get me wrong, we ALL have our own little agendas, and our propoganda. But when you start, before even seeing the framework of the legislation, to start undermining it solely because it is being proposed outside your camp/by a specific hated individual (or smacks of one hated before), then you have proven you are unfit to lead.

You know, I was actually considering McCain prior to Palin joining the ticket...and once again she and her ilk prove I was not wrong.

I know we have our Pelosi, and I really do think Sotomayor(sp) was a mistake, but shebulba this takes the fucking cake.

THIS is why, no matter how much I may agree with some of the fundamental ideals that the Republican party supports, I could never actually join the party. It is the stigma of these individuals that I could not wash my hands of...
'out out damned spot'...I would be thinking that every morning.

PETA/Greenpeace et al may be too much one way (I eat an extra helping of flesh whenever I can, and can't possibly apply enough poison to my lawn, just to compensate for these gits. I am considering clubbing baby seals, but don't know if I need to take it that far) but at least I am just embarassed by them, not utterly shamed.

Cheney vs Bush ???

Trouble in Cheney-verse!

So, bush had an attack of conscience and this was bad?
Bush actually cared about public opinion, and this was bad?

I called it...served with him as my ultimate head when I was in the army, and the douche-bag proves he really was that much of...well, a douche I guess.

Thank GAWD GW didn't die, I couldn't have handled the Cheney-tatership to follow....

Hubris

I know I have sort of stated this in my 'Skinny'/first post, but I wish to re-iterate...
I post my OPINIONS here. I am well read, but not by ANY stretch (hell, most) infallible.

I WANT to be challenged. I WANT to fight about things.

I really do believe that we do NOT learn about our own positions, thoughts, feelings or personal dogma without having them challenged. To be challenged, you do not participate in a mutual ego stroke...you go at it, fang and nail, club and cestus. We do not learn ourselves by being meek.

I do NOT challenge others strongly just because I can, or that I think they are idiots. I do so because I expect them to 'rise up and slay me' (L.Black paraphrase) or be slain. I expect to learn as much from them, win or lose the debate, than I knew going in. I DO believe we can learn every single time we argue, as long as (no matter how it may appear) we keep an open mind.
I do NOT generally give up and roll over, giving up the ghost on an argument. I EXPECT to be cursed at, and will do so in return. Passion, vehemence and good ole-fashion cussedness...these are the watchwords of a learning person.
I do not believe that we roll over and stop for more than two reasons; Hubris or Comfort. BOTH are bad. Either we think we cannot learn from the person we are arguing with, we think we don't have any more to learn, or we don't want to rock the boat (ours or theirs).
I will fight till I am blue in the face, and look like an idiot, until I really know that I am wrong. Why, because this allows ME to explore every avenue of MY own special viewpoint, my own perspective.
I don't do this to prove someone else wrong/change someone elses' POV all the time...I am doing it for myself too.
If I don't fight it out to the end, I don't see all of my own little fallibilities/moments of RARE genius/arrogance/lack of insight.
If I don't fight it out to the end, I don't know that I actually found that end.

I never pass on a book until I have read it to death. I donate to the library/what have you when I finally have. Why? Because every time I read it I find something new. Well, every time I argue something I find something new.

Thank you for fighting with me, please.... :)

Cultural Suicide?

VHEMT
Yes, yes it really stands for 'Voluntary Human Extinction Movement'.

You HAVE to read this...it is almost as inane, and frightening, as the 'Birthers' are on the other end of the spectrum. Or at least nearly as devoid of facts...

I am just amazed at the specious and unsupported arguments on this site.
The manipulated data that 'proves' the urge to procreate is invented, and that sex has NO basis in biological drives.
Can I find the studies about how orgasms were actually an evolutionary development that INCREASED sexual activity/drive for the sole purpose of driving more intelligent species to higher levels of activity/reproduction? Yes. Can I find how sex developed from single asexual reproduction to sexual reproduction in higher order animals? Yes. Can we find a multitude of material on the internet and in Medical journals that can debunk either side of this argument? Yes.
Follow any of the links from this entry;
Wiki On Orgasm
or
Further Wiki Fun
or
God I'm being lazy, but Wiki is my Friend

see, by visiting one site I just supported and debunked a number of different takes on the subject..and all it took was me caring enough to do so.

Egads, these people are morons.

It is the BASIC FUNCTIONAL DRIVE OF ALL BIOLOGICAL ENTITIES to reproduce.
We are SEXUAL beings, and REPRODUCE thus. This is our goal, survival on a personal and species level. Those that have no reproductive drive in our cultures (aside from those who have yet to achieve, or have passed, reproductive adulthood) are individuals who are considered mentally ill (or physically incapable due to illness).

Sorry, got off track on the whole 'why' we have sex thing, and didn't stay on track with the whole 'why we reproduce' thing...
It's called survival you idiots. It's called basic biological drive. It's called evolution.

Have we spread too far a bit, to the point of overburdening our environment? Yes, BUT...part of the issues we see around us are a result of irresponsible societal growth, not species growth. We are culturally evolving here too, as we learn the results of our mistakes and adapt to the accordingly, trying to find how to continue on the way we are and stop destroying what we need.

Ultimately, we are CURRENTLY as high on the evolutionary ladder as it's going to get. We may be something far better, or we may be dead, in another 100,000 years +. But it is an ILLNESS to wish your own species dead and gone. It is a sign of DYSFUNCTION to not wish for your own survival (and yes, wishing for species end is either being trendy, moronic, or very very ill...and it is just as devoid of normal mental function as is suicide).

I don't think these people should follow the natural path of things...I think they need to find their own Jim Jones and drink some fugging KoolAid...I'll mix the batch personally.

Tales of Heresy

(For those of you that don't know, Warhammer 40,000 is a game universe in which I play and hobby. It is probably the single most developed game 'universe' in terms of fluff in the industry. This background has now spawned a series of novels that delve into the previously hinted at ancient 'history'. the series is bringing to light things that all of us who have held on for the last 30 year have wanted to know.)

So,
I finally got around to catching up with the Horus Heresy. "Fallen Angels' surprised me, with the dreck that was 'Descent of Angels'. But that's for another review, I am tackling 'Tales of Heresy' now.

When I was coming of age in a literary sense, I fell in love with short story compilations. Isaac Asimov shorts (or approved collections mostly), Heinlein (again, approved collections), McManus (jeebus, crying laughing so hard). I still like to pick them up on occasion, for various changes of pace/line waiting at govt offices/doctors etc. I haven't held a short story compilation in quite a long time that traveled with me OUT of the bathroom (so to speak) excepting for the aforementioned dull waiting reasons. Now I have.

The last few books have disappointed me a bit. Even the (hobby wide) vaunted 'Mechanicum' was a bit of a disappointment to me. I think that book rode on the fascination with Titan Legions more than actual merits. So with trepidation, I opened 'Tales' and proceeded to read.
And read...
And read...
I am ALMOST glad the move I just made prevented me from getting to this book until now. It meant I was MUCH closer to the next Heresy series release, and wouldn't have to wait as long! It washed the bad taste of 'Battle for the Abyss' and 'Fulgrim' out of my mouth. There are a few stories that are slightly pedantic, or un-enlightening, but they still delivered in an action sense.

My personal favorites are as follows;
"Scions of the Storm". Other than that abomination that was Battle for the Abyss novel, this story is my first real exposure to NON rulebook/codex fluff regarding the Word Bearers Legion. I have to say, I was glad to see they were just as evil sh##s as we were led to believe. Actually, they did a great job developing characters that did not typify what we would consider the 'norm' for the word bearers, and also gave us a taste of their primarch as a true 'prophet'. You get a sense of how powerful it must have been to be in the presence of someone touched by the divine no matter how corrupt!
"Call of the Lion". This one is not written as well as it is just plain revealing. In the last Dark Angels book, Fallen Angels, we start to get a sense of the deeper divisions in the Legion. In Call of the Lion it becomes even more pronounced. We get to see where the lines are REALLY being drawn, and start to wonder if all we've been told is a lie. I think that this story arc (with what is coming after it) may be a defining sense of the Heresy to come, and prove to give as much enlightenment to 40k history as the 3 original Heresy books.
"After DeShea". About damned time. Angron. He's ANGWY, we get it. That's the way I've always seen it anyway. Yeah, we've had it spelled out to us. Emperor comes, Angron says go away, Emperor teleports him away from comrades in a desperate battle...wackiness ensues.
Okay, that's all I've known to date. This story is written from his 2nd Kharne's perspective, and what happened when the Emperor 'dumped' the WE primarch into their laps to deal with. I have the Kharne model, I have some world eaters, now I am going to have to make them into a full blown army. They really are a Legion with character. Kharne is awesome and controlled, the epitome of an Astartes. Dammit, that's a legion I wish had stayed loyal! Gotta read it!

These are my favorite three. They either break stereotypes of Legions we have a tendency to just disregard beyond their base nature, or they give us in depth nuances to the over-developing heresy (or both).
All of the stories though do one big thing, they bring more of a sense of galaxy spanning impact that the Heresy will have.
In this series of short stories, we get a sense of the SCOPE of these events, a much greater sense of it, and what's going wrong. It made me want to be a part of the HOBBY again.

Now this was purely a 'fluff' review, not a literature review. I did not take it apart based on its form or substance. As a written piece though, I think Black Library may have learned a bit. They seem to finally realize that you can't just hand a 12 year old a word processor and some notes and then sell dreck based on fans. I did not once have a sense that I was rehashing crap or looking for typos. I did not feel as though I wasted my time with any of these stories. I think the writing was above-par for the SciFi genre as a whole, not just a niche target audience.

I wholly recommend this book to fans of the series and game alike.

Blogger Fail

So, I can't take and copy something I did in a Word document and paste it into blogger? WTF? I am going to have to frikkin re-learn HTML just to have a writing and edit function? GACK!

I hate technology....garrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Stick up the arse sohelpmeGawd!

WTF, get a GRIP!

Okay, that's just nuts.....
In a nutshell, I say to the media "I think that was a little premature and a bit overkill"
My organization say "Bad you, you are to be fined..."

WTF? I get it, you want Golf to look like a great big happy sausage fest...you don't want 'dissension' in your ranks. OK, but this is not dissent, this is a simple expression of dissatisfaction that an unnecessary pressure was applied denying a competition it's tension and sense of..well, competition to be honest.
When you are in a duel (as Tiger likened it) you are in a constant state of fight or flight. Doesn't matter how many times you've done it, won it, or just plain kicked arse...you are on the edge. You are fighting your own autonomic responses to maintain control and poise.
Yes it becomes easier with time, yes it is expected that competitors improvise, adapt and overcome when put to the screws...but when an official in your own organization adds to that stress it becomes harder, especially at a key moment!
This action clearly caused a slide in favor of one competitor.
Result, an undermining of the actual event. The official actually nerfed his own event by his actions.
If anyone should be censured, it should be the ref.
And because Tiger pointed out that the end-game was less than exciting, and that his opponent was robbed a good showing (and possibly a win) due to that is both being a good sport AND responsible participant.
And he's being punished.

Asses...complete asses......and I'm not even a big fan of Tiger's...Asses

Faith

Faith,
Where do we cross the line? Where do we consider the absolutes absolute?
Is faith mutable? Can we really accept something as essentially fundamental and unchallengeable, and yet at the same time accept others opines?

Does faith (not religion, I really do mean faith) preclude our ability to accept others beliefs at face value?
We define ourselves with it, even if doing so means we deny it (atheism frankly is one of the MOST 'faithful' stances, and at the same time most closed minded...we deny legitimacy to someone when we deny they can believe in something we basically say is innate fallacy).
Can we be faithful AND truly accept others?
I know there are those that say yes out of reflex, and those that believe at face value we can...but do they really believe? Or do they simply find comfort in their faith/practices?

I have run the gamut, from denial of faith (12 years old, grandparent's birthday party at the Golden Lamb.... 'You know, I don't believe in God'...awkward silence, and common sense prevails as the table carefully moves onward...gads!) to research (I own a number of holy books, really ran the HELL out of Descartes' method and meditation...ran it all the way out...and Dead Sea Scroll translations/Gnostic texts/Khaballic (sp) writings)...

I think the human condition may not allow for this, but I don't know. I know I BELIEVE I am tolerant, that I accept other people's beliefs in tandem with my own...
I know I PREACH a tenet of acceptance, and multi-faceted faces of God for each peoples that need to see him/her in that fashion. But do I KNOW it, on a basic atavistic level is that real to me?

I don't know,
do you?

Outhouse...or where to go for good comic/Industry reviews!

By the way,
written by someone I respect greatly in the industry...

If you want a good take and a real perspective on comic trends, click the title and enjoy!

Badab War from BoLS FTW!

(Badab FTW)

I know I'm late,
but I just started this thing, so WOOT with the WOOT whistle.
I've been waiting for this one for a while, and it typifies why I am such a fan of Bell of Lost Souls...they GET THE HOBBY!
Now, are they they best source for tourney material, no...but many of the vaunted sources of superiority out there are only BETTER, not the end all be all of the scene.
But when it comes to flat out, good to go SOLID hobby play, these guys are the shiite!

So,
I finally get to use my Howling Griffons the way they were meant to be... :)

Why do you keep trying???

(Step away from the rulebook, and no one will get hurt!)

Lord,
People who don't understand should just stop undermining their credibility by opening their mouths.
If you don't understand the system, do NOT try to set yourself up as an authority...you only make things worse for yourself in the long run, and frankly cause more harm on 'your' forum than you think...

Orks are top tier? SHIT...talk to Vito, or me fergawdsake... I love Pat and sometimes even Chris, but they're wrong. They are not the pure SHITE that yes-the-douche-hurts thinks they are, but they sure aren't top.
And if you are meched up and can't beat double-lash, you should be 40k neutered.... :(
(oh, and Daemons are DEAD in tournament...gack)

Hasselbeck Spawning....

(Satan's Chilluns!)

oh lord she's spawned AGAIN.
This is bad Igon. Not crossing the streams bad, but this is bad... :(

This is a classic example why people should NOT open their mouths in public. This woman is a MORON. Thank Gawd she's better looking that Palin (who is cute in her own right) or no one would liste...wait, that's the whole problem isn't it?
Gravitas, when the FUCK did we as a nation decide it was dictated by 'pretty'?
GACK! (note that I include men in this....the Govenator anyone? )
(had to give her credit though, she did stand in the face of constant attack and refuse to give ground to her colleagues and THE BEAST...or was that just blind fanaticism? You make the call)

speaking of gravitas, my better half reminded me of this...so fitting considering the material...

(Sunday's Doonesbury)

G-Night

Don't try to IM with someone in Iraq while you are trying to drift on in an Ambien induced fugue state...it's disturbing at best.. :)

(note; this was taken off my Facebook, and is in chunks due to the sites crappy character limits..sorry ) :(

I FUC##ING HATE UNIONS! $98k in one year...ONE FRIKKIN YEAR for a BUS DRIVER. there is NOTHING you can tell me, NOTHING, that excuses this. I was internally ranting about this last week when it first posted in the DDN, but this shite is ridonkulous...12 sick days, bankable up to 160 at a time, up to 6 wks paid vaca (long service on that one I'll admit), 8 holidays paid AND guaranteed birthday off (or holiday pay)

UNIONS HAVE NO PLACE HERE! A strong government would have had solutions mapped out in order to preserve us without granting enough power to insure the lazy will out, tenure making it impossible to rid ourselves of anything but the criminal, and planned obsolescence becoming the earmark of US auto industry for so long that we STILL suffer from a 70's-80's stigma well into the 21st century...SHI#

We gripe bitch an whine at our CEO criminality, our corporate irresponsibility and all white collar crime, while we throw taxpayer money after programs policies and dead political concepts 40-50-and 60 years after they have soured. Maybe if we stopped relying on protection for our own shortfalls, we wouldn't sweat the sweatshops anymore, we'd actually fething WORK for a living..

DAMMIT, lazy fugging country we have become....'oh gawds, I might lose half my retirement that is 4x what a soldier that went overseas would earn...let's go on strike guys!' (NOT bothering to note the reprecussions of unrestricted greed on our market and how it will bear out)...

I lay the fault for our current financial crisis squarely on one group's shoulders, the common greedy FUC# that cannot see past the heaping pile of 'greedy-pig-fu#k'(Lewis Black quote) food at the end of his spoon! When the common UAW (or other blue collar-making-more-money-than-gawd) factory worker takes stock of the damage his union is doing to the company they've bilked for the last century and actually decides

to give it back, lemme know.....and don't you DARE tell me I haven't worked enough to 'understand their plight'...the army really frikking does more than the rest of us before 8am....6am or what have you.....and I have worked more than ANY of you who may bitc$ or gripe might know....sonuvabit##in idiots in government need to start making PEOPLE take responsibility for the damage THEY'VE created as well.

STOP WHINING, TAKE YOUR CUTS AND STEP UP TO THE FRIKKING PLATE! (and while we're at it, RAISE YOUR OWN G-D KIDS, STOP LAYING THE RESPONSIBILITY AT THE FEET OF THE SCHOOLS/VIDEO GAME MANUFACTURERS...TURN OFF THE TV ON YOUR OWN AND LET THE SCHOOLS ACTUALLY PUNISH YOUR KIDS!) RANT OFF

thoughts of her..
languid and warm
soft and recumbent..
susurration of
breath in utter
repose.
sight of sleeping
beauty
grants me serenity
completeness
soulful desire
and wholesome need.
...
sleep of the
beatific is
poetry to the eye
and catharsis
of the spirit

she is
was
and ever shall be
angelic

ID

(note: to anyone reading this, this is NOT my parents...this is a sense of things from wordplay going on in my head at the time..the words were right, the sentiment is NOT REFLECTIVE OF ANY REALITY IN MY LIFE with those two lines...)


Rip the Lid
Off the Id boys and girls
See what
Gonna climb out
Daddy touched me
Momma didn�t love me
How did I turn out?
Reached for one
Got both instead
Get the spiders
Outta my head
Eat the golden
Apples of the sun�..


Oh shit, I ate the apple�.


ALPHA: love-hate-need-fear-know-lust-birth-death-(E=mc2)
-namaste-war-hunger-filth-beauty-detest-yearn-crave
-Boddishatva-weapon-growth-evolve-garden-expunge
-buy-greed-power-corruption-Yahweh-tetragrammaton
-old-weakness-hubris-past-present-future-aether-ghost
-angel-fallen-morningstar-serpent-deception-grace-Mohammed
-prophet-trinity-divine-devil-darkness-Shiva-killingfields
-angkhorwat-universal-empty-nothingness-wuchi-essence
-spirit-pain-pleasure-regress-Ganesha-light :OMEGA

It is done��.

Opened...

she blasted me
she opened her heart
and it was raw sunlight in the crypt
I wanted to cry, I wanted it to stop
I wanted to curl up and hide
but she continued
she opened herself
showed me herself
her inner being
demons
faith
love
spirit
all of it
and it blasted me where I stood
it stripped away all that was
it rent me to the bone
and left me standing
like the proverbial pillar of salt
I stood there
unsure, uncertain, confused
and then I saw
saw inside
saw the what who and why of her
and I was left dumbstruck
numb and awed
and fundamentally changed
by beauty and soul
I am whole,
warm
complete
and ALIVE once again
and I can only give thanks
for the gift of being
that I have been granted

I am humbled beyond measure
and enlightened.

carpe diem

Drizzle

The soft tap tapping on the window
Presages a night of humid tussling
Legs entwined, fighting with covers
Windows closed against the wet
Air moving with desperation
To cool its loving supplicants
Sleep comes in fits
As sweat coats sheet and flesh
Eyes flutter open and closed
Breathing loud in small cramped room
Sleep leaves on the hour
Until two bodies, clinging
Despite the mutual heat and discomfort
Finally wake together.
Eyes meet, frustration turns to
Childlike giggles�
Waffle house calls, the late night urge
Walking in the drizzle, harder rain
But a short drive away
Hushed talk of meaning of life
Universe, and gelato
Over cheap coffee, cheaper waffles
And priceless time shared.
Soaked cigarette limp in mouth
Walk to car hand in hand.
Stop, see the sky-city glow in clouds.
Walk away, simple comforts of car not wanted
Woods call, grass calls, life calls
Soaked, warm summer night rain
Washing away the drudgery of life
Everyday toils and troubles
Forgotten in wash of nature�s caress
Deluge of work and onus of bonds
Eclipsed by simple touch of hands
And simple sound of silence
Eyes meet again, childlike innocence
Forgotten in yearning love
Gentle touch of lips,
Reaching out to touch
A kiss in the rain
A touch of the soul
A moment never left
A lifetime never lost
A dream to never leave

Idiocy!

IDIOCY!

Now to start this off carefully, no this individual is NOT retarded, nor slow (beyond the obvious). Simply a strong example of why people should not be allowed to breed without a license.
this is a transcript of an IM session I was having with someone.
(this may not be a real Journal entry per-se, but it HAD to be shared)

and to coin a phrase from one of my favorite websites of all time,

"so, buddy walks in" (www.actsofgord.com)

Me: for craig'slist
Me: omigod
Me: I so FUCKING hate yugioh kids/parents/public schools
Me: what would your father have done if you didn't have your times tables at least roughly down by 14yrs?
Roxy: LOL!
Roxy: I had that down when I started Kindergarten.
Me: exactly. so, buddy walks in.....
Me: asks me a barrage of inane questions
Me: and I mean a barrage
Me: then asks me how much Yugioh packs are. I tell him 4 apiece.
Me: he asks how much after tax
Me: I tell him 8.56
Roxy: He'd be pissed.
Me: (mind you, this is after he has proven he is a complete and UTTER dolt)
Me: he then wanders for a bit.
Me: and comes up with 4 of the 2.00 magic grab packs.
Me: and asks 'how much is this before tax?'
Me: I kinda look at him dumb for a second....he looks down, counts for a second (looking for all the world like he wants to use fingers) and says 'oh yeah, 8$
Me: he pauses....looks up....and my mind screams "nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, please please don't ask me this,....I am begging you not to"
Me: and his mouth opens
Me: and he says......get this............. "how much is that after tax?"
Me: I kinda look at him....and I think about nasty cruel and inhumane things to say....and instead, what comes out of my mouth is.
Me: 'tax is 7%....or .07$ on the dollar. so, if you have 8$, and it is .07 per dollar, then what is 7x8......
Me: and he stares
Me: and he stares some more
Roxy: good god.
Me: then he starts mumbling something mathematically that so help me god sounds like a damn physics formula....and starts saying things like (mumble mumble 7 thousand 8 hund...no...mumble...7hundre...no)
Me: so I stop him
Me: and I ask, just ask..... "how old are you?"
Me: 14
Me: "do you not know your time's tables?"
Me: "sure"
Me: "okay, what's 7x8"
Me: "dunno"
Me: "just for giggles, 5x7"
Me: "dunno"
Me: okay, you had 8 in yugioh cards, so what was the tax for that?"
Me: um
Me: 8.56?"
Me: me "yup"
Roxy: This, by the way, is why I don't want anything to do with teaching.
Me: me "so what is it for this?"
Me: "dunno"
Me: "8.56"
Me: "OH!"
Me: .......................
Me: GODDAMN I hate YuGiOh, and this school system

Musings...and Feelings

Love
We try to define it.
It does mean something different to all people
But I think I have figured out what it is,
After the euphoria, the high
The falling and the settling.
Palpable and distinct
Unquestionable and whole
To me,
Sharing.
Not the sharing of food, space,
Bodies, fun or lives….but sharing.
Sharing of soul, love and pain.
Pain.
It’s easy to share the good things, the warm things
The soft things and the whole things…
The joy and the triumphs.
But when you share the pain
The anger
The frustration…
More, when that becomes no longer a choice,
But is a part of your very nature.
When you no longer think about it,
When you FEEL it with them
When you think of solutions,
Or become consumed by their focus..
When these things become FIRST nature, not second..
And when you step back, on those rare occasions of true evaluation
And it brings you not pride, not joy, not resentment nor obligation…
But a wholeness that you did not feel before
THAT is love.
Those who say love is pain only see one side of the picture,
But they were not wrong, and it is good.

SHE

I never wish to take you for granted
Lose sight of the special things
The little things
Do you know,
How much it brings me joy
To hear you in the kitchen, totally tuned out…
Rummaging about, mumbling little things

Or how ‘bout
Feeling the thrum of your heart
Under my hand
As we watch a movie totally enthralled
(I don’t watch the movies as much you know,
I look down at you…)

Or how much joy
I receive when we wake
Limbs tangled like roots
Hair brushing my face
Scent of you hanging in the room
Sound of breathing intermingled

I move through my day
As in years past, only now
Seeing little snippets of you
In my mind
In the sunlight outside
Or the joy in a childs face

Hope springs, that in your day
Little things, big things
Events and happenstance
Rises thoughts of me, of us
How we are meant to be

Won’t take this for granted
Not again, not ever
I cherish, each little gift
Your morning kiss,
Your evening smile
The gentle words of your love
I am content!

Words

Like water they now escape me, twisting falling. Like smoke, out of my mouth and without substance.

I question Then I see, it is not that words escaped, or that I failed.

It is not that I do not see, or feel or lost my ability to pass on. I ran out of the words to express how much I love. and only life can now show

Day

Day goes, smooth and warm

flows around us like a gurgling brook from our childhood

It tells of potential, love hope promising eternal

gifting, day promises endlessly of itself

I want to open today again

I feel I missed something, missed it

It dangel before me and I did not see it for what it was

give me back my day?

Let me squeeze potential love, future, life

from that which has already passed...

Does anyone?

does anyone notice?

Does anyone notice when an old woman dies?

She wasn’t a tree in the woods,

She isn’t schroedinger’s cat

Why isn’t the world screaming, dying…

Why am I the only one I can hear crying, even as quiet as it is..

I don’t want to ask these questions…

Should I feel bad, that I didn’t feel this with papaw..

Am I bad for that?

I loved him too, just as much

Maybe I just had closure there moreso than here

I didn’t say I love you enough, but do we ever?

She was so small, so very small, but never a small woman in anyone’s eyes.

Pillar she was to me, anchor

Buffalo games, long vacation rides..an understanding ear and a blueberry pie

Why the hell is the sun shining so bright, it should be out…

Put that fucking thing out. Stop it’s shining.

I can’t believe it hurts this much. No one else did

I thought I had a handle on death, a grip

Am I lying to myself? Maybe in age I feel it more?

Twisting burning hating loving missing crying screaming pain….

Jesus, give her the fuck back….make her whole again

Make her my mamaw again.

I was moving, moving home again. Going to be there

Why didn’t I do it sooner?

Shit shit shi…

Victoria Concannon

Vicki

Vic

Momma

Mom

Mommy

Love

Gramma

Mamaw

All these things she was, but more

Sacred

Feminine

Matron

Wife

Creator goddess

She was love,

And God I am going to miss her with all my being….

Victoria Concannon

Died this day, and not enough people wept…

But I think I hear a little of the world groing smaller

Repose

thoughts of her..
languid and warm
soft and recumbent..
susurration of
breath in utter
repose.
sight of sleeping
beauty
grants me serenity
completeness
soulful desire
and wholesome need.
...
sleep of the
beatific is
poetry to the eye
and catharsis
of the spirit

she is
was
and ever shall be
angelic

Depression

Depths

It's odd, how depression settles into your bones.
No warning. Just out of left field. Creeps up on you, like some primordial predator, with designs on your very essence, not flesh.
I realize it begins days before, little things. Irritability, introversion.
People cease to entertain/become a focus.
Things, little or big, do not seem to work quite the way they should....or
worse work absolutely the wrong way.
Your mind kind of descends into a fugue state for a while. Mental and emotional skin thickens.
You don't always see it coming. Work too busy, too tired to register the small
shifts in your emotional state.
Then one morning you wake, and it all seems futile...un-rewarding...empty.
The worst part of it all is, you know better...if you have experienced it before
you know MUCH better...and there is NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT....
all you can do is ride it down, like Dr Strangelove, ride it down to it's inevitable conclusion. Hanging on for dear life, hoping that the detonation only
affects you...and harms no others...
It is pain, inescapable...and though you know there is an end, you cannot see it
for the now....
you know, It really sucks.... :)

Underground

underground

in the darkness
wailing of hate and pain
underneath
where all come at the end
charnal remains
the stench of decay
no return
the world above
loss of light
love
hope
life
and yet
in the dark calls
a pinprick of hope
groping
reaching
hoping
helping
the voices call
long journey begin
a taste,
just a small one
and freedom
however brief
comes again

Pray

I prayed for the rain
warm strong cleansing
heavensent stinging
all consuming and whole
cover my soul
and drown my very mind
numbing sound
washing away the voices
of all those who cannot understand
all those who choose not to
I prayed for the rain
to bring forth total change
remove from me the dirt
of living without
and turning me within
it came with a vengeance
taking from me all that was
and showing me myself
and all that I am......
I prayed for the rain,
and though I may receive what I wish for
I am afraid that sometimes
I get more than I bargained for

Hello!

Okay,
so...I've decided that I have so much crap to say (regardless of the willingness of my audience) that I am going to say it...and say it...and say it.

You are here for one of a few reasons;
a) I invited you...it means you are one of those few people out there that I consider a human being, not just sheep or an animal
b) you are a friend from facebook...the same applies as above
c) you stumbled onto me somehow, and actually took 30 seconds to read this...

I am not omniscient...I AM well read
I am not perfect, but I DO question myself and views constantly
I AM cocky, a little arrogant and definitely opinionated...
I AM a little foulmouthed and VERY powerful in my personal expression.

If you have been invited, I expect that you know me better than most. In knowing this, you should be prepared. If you disagree with me here, I will love you for it and attack you at the same time. DO NOT TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY...I will not, no matter how you may think I take it. I expect to be challenged, and I do not expect it to be polite all the time.
I will appreciate viewpoints, and share them.

This will be a blog about all matters great and small. If a post does not apply to you, don't troll please, just move on to the next one.

If you are into games, jump on in...if you are into politics, jump on in...if you regurgitate shite that you heard or a mantra you have clung desperately to throughout the years without re-evaluation, don't bother I will call you out.

Love you all, let's have fun...
(and if my poetry sucks, please say so...cause alot of that will go on here in the long run)

Me :)